my story

Hi my name’s Gary, I’m a father, and a grandfather.  And I’ve got a family living up here in Auckland.  

My experience goes back to 1991 when I owned a business, and the first five years of having a business, fantastic.  Doing my own thing, just being in a business that I loved doing, it was retail. But the wheels started to fall off the business and the wheels fell off me I think before they fell off the business in the end. There was just an incredible feeling of failure, and I didn’t know it was depression that I had. I just felt out of control.

I just had one day and then I just had this huge panic attack, I suppose it was.  And I just really wanted to escape. I didn’t know at the time, but that was the beginning of depression and it was just a very dark, black place to be in. The range of depression, the constant factor was the blackness.  I didn’t go colour blind, but everything seemed black to me. That was my perception, there was a blackness really.  

It was of having no enjoyment of everything I was doing, nothing, and I had a young family and that sort of thing, and there’s always exciting things with kids around.

my way through

Initially I saw my doctor, the GP.  And he gave me some medication, but he also suggested counselling.  So I went and sort of got a bit of counselling and saw somebody. 

I think taking responsibility for your own health is absolutely there. Yes, we need some support along the way, whether it’s medical professionals, mental health professionals, support workers. Ultimately it’s our own responsibility.  Unless we take responsibility for our own health, to get the full benefit of people who are going to help us get there, and we need to have that ourselves, otherwise we just finish up using the service, doing what we’re told or not.

I’ve never been one to take a lot of medication, but I wasn’t opposed to it. So medication, once we found the right one and the psychiatrist did say, “I’m going to trial you on this.  It may not work.  I will know within a short space of time, like ten days, a week, ten days.  I will know by your responses as to whether it’s having any impact or not”.  I can stop taking my medication now and I feel normal again. And I did stop, but with my GP’s knowledge. I didn’t just stop it.  And so we phased it out.

staying well

So my balance is absolutely having and enjoying my whole life. My working life, my home life, my family, my sport.  
Just enjoying it all, but not doing anything in excess. Just set those goals and achieve them and just have your real satisfaction out of doing that.

I get probably more help from peers, people who understand me, people who I either work with or, you know, friends that I can talk to without feeling I’m being judged.
 
And a lot of that was to do with other people holding the hope for me when I’d lost it and just reminding me that I was how I was and that I was a real person and had real values.  But I actually discovered a meaning and purpose in life and what was really important in my life.