Philip's Story

I think what I have been through, has made me more courageous. It’s made me more wholehearted, much more empathetic with and for people that find it difficult being in the world, because it’s a difficult world to be in.

For me, growing up as a kid being disabled, living in a non-disabled family and a predominantly non-disabled world, and then in my late teens, coming out as being gay and that, adding another layer of difference and kind of feeling like I didn’t fit, and having to find or create my own place and invite people into that, I think that layered experience just created the foundation of anxiety.

One of my neighbours began being aggressive and abusive to me. So, he knew who I was, because of my profile, so he would yell homophobic slurs. It was just a feeling of despair, hopelessness, helplessness, real fear.

This experience of bullying was a… I think I was just deeply shocked. I just lost my faith in humanity. I couldn’t believe that people would target someone like me, who is obviously, physically vulnerable. But you know, I kind of have always been an advocate for human rights and fairness, and equality, and it impacted me, at a soul level. You know, it was a spiritual disappointment.

Luckily, I got a gem of a new neighbour, and so, that was such a relief. I contacted a therapist that I've worked with. She allowed me to protect myself; so to, you know, visualise a field around me of protection, to see the anxiety that I’ve felt as something that was outside of me, rather than inside of me, recognising that anxiety is just a feeling.

It was that ability to articulate what I was feeling during those two years - that was one of the things that kept me on the planet.

What I have learnt about my anxiety was that it was real. It was a real response to a real situation. And so, I think it’s important to ask for help. Ask anyone for help and keep asking because you might not get it the first time.