I think what I have been through, has made me more courageous. It’s made me more wholehearted, much more empathetic with and for people that find it difficult being in the world, because it’s a difficult world to be in.
For me, growing up as a kid being disabled, living in a non-disabled family and a predominantly non-disabled world, and then in my late teens, coming out as being gay and that, adding another layer of difference and kind of feeling like I didn’t fit, and having to find or create my own place and invite people into that, I think that layered experience just created the foundation of anxiety.
One of my neighbours began being aggressive and abusive to me. So, he knew who I was, because of my profile, so he would yell homophobic slurs. It was just a feeling of despair, hopelessness, helplessness, real fear.
This experience of bullying was a… I think I was just deeply shocked. I just lost my faith in humanity. I couldn’t believe that people would target someone like me, who is obviously, physically vulnerable. But you know, I kind of have always been an advocate for human rights and fairness, and equality, and it impacted me, at a soul level. You know, it was a spiritual disappointment.
Luckily, I got a gem of a new neighbour, and so, that was such a relief. I contacted a therapist that I've worked with. She allowed me to protect myself; so to, you know, visualise a field around me of protection, to see the anxiety that I’ve felt as something that was outside of me, rather than inside of me, recognising that anxiety is just a feeling.
It was that ability to articulate what I was feeling during those two years - that was one of the things that kept me on the planet.
What I have learnt about my anxiety was that it was real. It was a real response to a real situation. And so, I think it’s important to ask for help. Ask anyone for help and keep asking because you might not get it the first time.
My layered experience created the foundations of anxiety
For me growing up as a kid being disabled and then in my late teens coming out as being gay left me kind of feeling like I didn’t fit. Then one of my neighbours began being aggressive and abusive to me.
All sorts of things affect your mental health
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It was just a feeling of despair, hopelessness, helplessness, real fear
It was very scary. It impacted me at a soul level. I couldn’t believe that people would target someone like me who is obviously physically vulnerable.
Depression or anxiety is different for everyone
LEARN ALL THE SIGNSI see the anxiety that I felt as something that was outside of me
I contacted a therapist that I’ve worked with. She allowed me to protect myself, to visualise a field around me of protection. It was the ability to articulate what I was feeling during those two years; that was one of the things that kept me on the planet.
There are things that can help you get through
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What I have learnt about my anxiety was that it was real
It was a real response to a real situation. I think it’s important to ask for help, ask anyone for help and keep asking because you might not get it the first time.